Ali and I have separated; the divorce was finalized last month. It took me awhile to post because I definitely feel some “I failed the FIRE community” (beyond my personal community of family and friends) feelings about it. And how do you come out with “we’re divorced now” out of the blue?

We were together 15 years. We have three little kids (ages 5, 3, and 1). It’s gut-wrenching. But it’s also something out of my control.

I had a lot of postpartum depression for a few years. I did some therapy, was on some antidepressants for awhile. All of this wasn’t the causal factor, but it happened along the path. I am much better now, in a good place mentally, and I figured out what I wanted. Unfortunately, she wanted something else. So our paths have diverged.

Everything was very amicable, and we’re good co-parents and see each other fairly regularly, we just are not romantic partners anymore. The kids are the most important thing to both of us. We share custody of the kids 50/50, currently doing a week on/week off scenario, but still get together jointly for holidays and other activities (birthdays, upcoming Easter Egg hunt will be at my house even though it’s her day, etc.).

Also, since a large number of you are likely here via some personal finance or early retirement connection and curiosity of that is natural, we split everything 50/50. I got all the real estate (including the personal residence), she got all the paper investments (retirement and brokerage accounts, etc.) plus I owed her a giant chunk of cash (via taking on some additional debt via cash out refi of some rentals) to even things out.

We’re both still FIRE, stay-at-home parents for the moment. She’s writing some additional romance novels for side-gig cash. I may or may not pick up some work, remains to be seen. Neither of us plan on getting a job anytime in the next few years, if ever.

Life goes on, I have so many things I’m grateful for, and I’m looking forward to many, many more adventures.

6 Responses to “Divorce”

  1. That is very disappointing to hear. I’m sorry that you & Ali could not reconcile your differences. Love is sacrifice.

  2. I don’t know what made me look up your blog after having not checked in for a few years. Some memory of our interactions or my respect for you from many MMM forum threads just made me think, “I wonder how he’s doing?” I know that this can’t have been an easy thing to post for the world to see.

    I felt compelled to say that you definitely haven’t failed *any* community, least of all the FIRE community. If anything, the FIRE community should know that FIRE doesn’t suddenly turn our lives into this perfect ideal fantasy. At the end of the day, we are still the same people we always were: people who get together, fall in love, fight, break up, and hopefully love again just like anyone else.

    So, thank you for sharing this. You both sound like great parents with the right priorities, and I hope that the work you put in together to become FIRE will give you the space and time you need to heal and continue to be the best parents and people you can be.

    • Thanks FV. I still follow (via RSS) and love your blog! Appreciate the kind words. 🙂

  3. Ana · Reply

    Has the husband transgendered? I’m so confused with the “I had a lot of postpartum depression” line follow by the “she wanted something else”. Who is writing this article here? Is the husband claiming to have had postpartum depression?! Either way, I wish all 5 of you the best!

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